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You Don’t Need a TED Talk Theme to Write Your Life Story
- Devon Noel Lee
- 4 days ago
- 6 min read
But You Might Need a Wife Pond
Have you ever attended a life story writing class or memoir webinar and left more confused than inspired?
Same here.
I recently watched an online training session on how to write a life story with meaning and purpose. Honestly, it left me shaking my head and wondering, "Really? That's supposed to help me 🎶Get outta my dreams, get into my car.🎶" (Sorry, Billy Ocean reference, back to family history!)
The instructor's framework sounded impressive on the surface—there was much talk about writing for yourself, diving deep into feelings, and finding universal truths. But it felt more like prepping for a TED Talk than preserving my story.
Let's pause here: if you love introspective writing and want to process your life through journaling, that's wonderful. Really. Smile and keep doing what works for you.
But if your goal is to write a personal history that becomes tomorrow's family history that includes real, honest stories for your descendants, this self-help style of storytelling will likely make you pull your hair out.
Why? Because it asks you to reshape your experiences to fit a message instead of documenting what actually happened.
Why This Feelings-First Framework Falls Short for Family History
Let me present the five core ideas from that method, promoted by a life story writer, and explore why it falls short of capturing and preserving the "story of you."
1. Write for Yourself First
This idea encourages emotional deep-dives, which can be helpful, but it also makes it easier to focus more on how you felt than what actually happened. In family history, readers care about both, but they need you to start with the facts.
The fix is to Center the Story, Not the Self.
2. Dive Beneath the Surface
This step emphasizes emotional introspection over observable events or context, which family historians really need to preserve. Although emotion is important, internal monologues often resemble a therapy session that is best kept private.
The fix? Document First, Reflect Second
3. Find a Universal Theme
This sounds inspiring… but too often, it leads writers to filter their stories to fit a tidy moral or lesson. The messy, contradictory, and complex parts of a story? They get edited out. And by so doing, your readers aren't getting the whole truth.
Instead: Let Themes Emerge, Don't Force Them
4. Choose Details That Matter
If you only keep details supporting your theme, you risk flattening real people and theirstories. Don't cut out the uncomfortable or awkward stuff. Those messy middles make stories memorable.
The fix is to Keep What's True, Not Just What's Clean
5. Connect Past to Present
Connections between past and present are powerful, but you don't have to wrap every story in a neat little bow. Let your descendants draw their own lessons from your life. Just tell the truth as best you can.
Instead: Be a Witness, Not a Preacher
To be clear, I do not advocate this style of writing. It's inauthentic and encourages us to think more than we write, which means we write less than we could.
There's a better way.
A Framework for Real-Life Writing (That Actually Gets Finished)
Here's the 7-step process I use to write stories quickly, clearly, and honestly. It works whether you're writing about your childhood or when you fearfully entered a Wife-Carrying World Championship in Finland.
Let me walk you through it the simple, actionable steps to help you write your life story and finish it!
G: Grab Writing Time
Even 15 minutes is enough. Block it. Guard it. No writing time = no stories written. Say yes if this is the part you usually skip.
R: Retrieve Memory Aids
Photos, journals, family recipes—anything that unlocks a memory. A wrinkled birthday card might spark a story better than a blinking cursor ever will.
I: Ignore the Rules (for now)
Don't self-edit. Don't worry about grammar. Just write. Be messy. Let it pour.
T: Tidy It Up
Revisit what you wrote and shape it into something clearer. You don't have to perfect it—just make sure it makes sense.
P: Paint the Details
Sensory details turn a summary into a scene. What could you see? Hear? Smell? What was the wallpaper doing? (Yes, even wallpaper has a story.)
A: Anchor It in Truth
Add real-life context: names, dates, places. Weave in your family history, but mark what's fact and what's family lore. Transparency is a gift to your future readers.
F: Final Polish
Now, smooth it out. Fix what's awkward or clunky. Don't try to turn it into a novel. Truth is more powerful than perfection.
If you'd like a printable file to remember these steps, click here to download GRIT + PAF handout.
The Wife Pond: Putting GRIT + PAF to the Test
Want an example of the GRIT+PAT life story steps in action? Let's go to Finland.
Last year, I competed in the Wife-Carrying World Championship in Sonkajärvi, Finland (yes, it's a real thing!)
I knew I wanted to write about it for our family blog book, but I didn't sit down to write a polished piece right away.
First, I grabbed time to write, pulled out photos, and let myself free write all the details without regard for audience or anything else really.
My first draft included this:
Ginanna Storey said, "Don't let go to push up on the husband. Every woman who does that throws off their husbands, and things don't go well…"
After revising, it became:
Gianna Storey told me, "Don't let go to push up on your husband's back to get your head above the water. Every woman who did this ended up throwing their partner off balance and falling into the Wife Pond." That wasn't exactly comforting, but I clung to the thought. I told myself to trust Andy to get me through.
See the difference? It's clearer, easier to follow, and more vivid.
Later, I added sensory details—like the prep area where I sat crying, alone, just minutes before our final race.
The rough draft:
I went into the athlete prep area and sat down. Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. I felt like I was going to ruin this for Andy.
The sensory details expansion:
I ducked into the athlete prep area, a metal building with open space, a cement floor, and chairs. I could hear the announcer, the shot of the air pistol, and the roaring of the crowd. I sat on a metal chair and tried to calm down despite my chest tightening. The tears fell, but no one approached me. They were focused on the race.
Then I layered in facts: our official race time, how we placed, and how I praised God for His help. Every step anchored the story in real context and expanded it to help a reader feel what I felt that day.
And most importantly? It's now part of our family's documented history.
Write a Life Story That Matters, But Authentically
You don't have to be a "good writer" to document your life. You don't need a universal theme. You don't even need to tie things up with a neat little bow.
You just need to start. Start with what's real. Start with what you remember.
Smile if that feels possible now. Say yes if it feels like a relief.
Your family doesn't need perfect. They need you.
Want Help Getting Started?
If this post resonated with you, leave a comment and tell me what kind of story you're ready to write next. Or ask for my favorite memory-aid prompts—I've got dozens I'd love to share.
And if you found this helpful, share it with your writing group or that cousin who keeps saying, "I should write this down someday…"
Let's write real stories together.
